Hi Beloved Friends!!
I’ve been away for quite a few months! Had an eye inflammation to recover from and somehow a huge sense of blah… I felt guilty not writing blog posts, but I couldn’t bring myself up to it, because it didn’t feel right. These past months I have been feeling like I’m on a boat somewhere in the middle of an ocean not knowing where the wind will take me. I don’t take the steering wheel because I don’t know where the heck I want to sail to… Is that a familiar feeling to you? Have you ever felt like you are meant to do something, but just don’t know what it is? I somehow felt empty and lost. It’s not that I wasn’t happy, but something was itching inside of me. I felt like I couldn’t ignore it anymore, that I couldn’t outrun it anymore. “From what?!”, I hear you say.
I’ll tell you what it is, it’s: my deepest desire and dreams… It’s buried in a chest somewhere in a cave very deep at the bottom of the ocean. It has chains all around it and it’s guarded by a giant octopus. Of course I’m afraid to come close. I’ve actually never looked for that darn chest. Why would I, when I had enough distraction on the surface?! Well the distractions were getting blurry and the chest was calling for me… I’m still trying to look for it, haven’t found it yet, but I’m coming close.
Now getting back from the metaphors though, how do you actually find what you were meant to do? How do people know what their dream is? For some it may seem a very easy question. Some may know what they want from when they were kids. I, on the other hand, was too busy figuring out how to please others, so ignoring my feelings was something I had learned to do. Now that I think of it, it felt like pushing a coil in your gut aside. But as that was often something I felt, I thought it was normal. That that feeling was childish and that I had to become adult and do the right thing. So I was mainly focused on keeping a poker face. I’ve done this for almost 30 years.
I had been avoiding to ask myself what my dream was, because I was afraid, because I didn’t believe in myself and because I assumed I would never succeed anyway. Anyhows, staying home for more than 2 weeks with an inflammation on both eyes, it was impossible for me to go outside or enjoy any outdoor activity whatsoever (no shopping for me alas, couldn’t see the prices anyway…). So that really forced me to sleep and think a lot haha! I was also watching (or rather listening to) a lot of inspirational YouTube vids. I then decided to take matters in my own hands and work on figuring out what it was that I was meant to do. I even had a meeting with my career coach and some things became obvious to me. I need to work on something just for me. The reason why blogging about beauty alone wasn’t enough anymore was because it wasn’t personal enough. I love to feel connected with you. And I have made some precious friends over the past 2 years through this blog. This feeling of connecting, helping and supporting each other in difficult times is something I truly cherish. So what does this actually mean for the future of my blog?
I wish to continue writing, which I truly enjoy. But I want to do more for my readers. I want to help people to have a different perspective on certain situations. So I will be incorporating aside from the usual Beauty topics more subjects on self development, confidence, inner beauty, happiness… Because those are subjects that I hold near to my heart. I thus have a lot of ideas coming up. If there are any topics you’d like me to write about, feel free to put it in the comment section and I’ll be sure to make a post out of it!
Hope you’re open to the changes I’m making! I’m actually really excited and looking forward to the upcoming posts!
Love,
Sarah
mycupofdreamsbymy.wordpress.com 
Hi Sarah!
I have missed you and am sorry about your eye inflammation. That sounds miserable and I hope you are feeling better. Life has a way of stopping us in our steps sometimes. I am glad you were able to relax, think, rest, and recover.
I can so deeply relate to you and that feeling of not knowing what my dreams are. I think it comes from fear of not being good enough or like you said just not having the time and energy to give those dreams the time, energy, and love that they deserve. 2017 was the year that I kept getting stopped in my tracks. I got so sick that I HAD to slow down and start taking care of myself. I too spent decades of my life trying to please others to the point that when I look at my own life; it sometimes felt emptier than it should be in 3 decades. This summer it felt like a switch flipped! Seeing my dad suffer and age made me realize that I need to start taking care of myself. Also turning 30 was big and my boyfriend and I traveled across America and moved. Starting over has been rejuvenating and is giving me a chance to reinvent myself. Although, I am taking a final quarter of school in my hometown and it has been refreshing to focus on myself.
Sarah, you are such a beautiful soul ❤ you are creative, talented, beautiful, and so insightful. I hope you will find your dreams and start making them come true. This is our time right NOW to live our lives in ways that make us happy. I am with you and am still figuring out what that looks like and how to make it happen. I am cheering you on and am looking forward to following you on your journey!
❤ Alana
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Hi Alana,
My beautiful friend! It’s true what they say, that you need to start loving yourself first before others can love you. It’s true that taking care of yourself first is the most important thing to do. Because if you don’t, nobody will take care of you as much as you yourself can. Furthermore, if you put others first in every aspect of your life, you will never be fully motivated. They will also feel burdened by the expectations and needs you have (the only thing I wanted in return was love and commitment, but that backfires because I was not a happy radiant person). Because I did so much for someone else, I always felt short for myself, hoping that others would notice how hard I try (I guess, trying too hard makes you look unattractive and needy). And this puts pressure on them, because I just come off as a pathetic person… Others may even think that being that way is part of my personality, but it wasn’t, it was just a conviction that that was the way to live life. That’s how I now feel about it. Being the best and most beautiful version of ourselves starts with loving yourself first, with working on our own dreams. I’m sometimes scared that I only have started late doing so, but better late than never I guess.
Thank you Alana, for the support! You don’t know how much that means to me. For even though we haven’t met, I sometimes feel like you understand things so much better than my surroundings do about my life… There are people around me who are supposed to know me best, whom I’ve given up everything for and who now say things behind my back that are hurtful. I’ve stopped blaming myself for going what I want, I’ve stopped thinking that that makes me selfish. I now am fully committed to be who I’m born to be… Even if that means that I still need to figure out what that is haha! And you too, Alana, are such a beautiful soul! A multi talented and driven person. I truly believe that once we let go of our chains, we could become whatever we want! I do hope I someday could meet you!
Love, Sarah
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Dear Sarah,
Know that you are never alone. I can relate to the feeling of “starting late” sometimes it comes in the form of regret like: “I wish I would have started sooner” or “I would have been so far by now if I had just started back when I first got that idea.” I hate that feeling, but don’t shame yourself over the past. One thing you can be proud of is the fact that you were there for those people so you can move forward without regrets. I know that is simplifying it a lot, but you don’t have to think to yourself, “I should have done more” or “I should have been there for them” because you were there for them and you did way more than most. It is admirable and also exhausting to be there for people like that, but the problem is when they don’t appreciate it and even start to expect that from us. I think we try to go above and beyond because we wish that people would do that for us.
Now it is your turn to focus on yourself and cultivate your gifts and talents. It is an exciting time.
I was absolutely terrified about turning 30 this year due to a lot of similar concerns that you have. Lack of time or starting to late and also not even knowing what my dreams are. I started watching Marie Forleo videos with my morning tea to get some inspiration.
I think another thing that has helped me a lot was I created a secret (so that we could all feel safe and comfortable with sharing) facebook accountability group called “The Goal Getters” where we talk about our goals, plans, challenges, and wins. I also post a daily question to help us think about our goals and we post post workout pics, food pics, and tips tricks, and inspiration to share. My focus has been weightloss, but it is a group for all goals. Would you like to join us? Do you have facebook? You should add me: Alana Gabo. I am usually the most active person in the group and I don’t mind because my friends are all so busy, but it has been a nice way to stay connected even from a far away place.
I am so happy that we can be there for each other Sarah. When we first became friends I was struggling in a lot of ways. That was such a stressful time for me and you felt like one of my closest, most understanding and supportive friends. I cherish our friendship and do hope that someday we will be able to meet!
Love,
Alana
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